I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
