I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
