so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
