I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Boobs are out for the taking
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Randomize