Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Randomize
