I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
