so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
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