I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize
