just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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