new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
