I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
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