doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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