If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
