she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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