Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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