Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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