Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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