Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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