What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Randomize
