I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Randomize
