Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Randomize
