What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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