whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Randomize
