Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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