You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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