Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
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