He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
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