I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
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