and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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