Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
