Im at strip club and am horny
I can text with my tongue
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
