And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Randomize
