Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
