Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
