Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
