so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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