definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
