A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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