I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
