She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
