im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
