I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
