i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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