Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
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