Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize