You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
