Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
