i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
