i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
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