ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
