I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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