he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I understand Curling. That high.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
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