I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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