How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
19 Characteristics That Make People Instantly Attractive
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
25 People Confess What They’re Shamefully Attracted To
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?