sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
