Texts From Last Night

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  (757): View more from Virginia

  Just be blunt and say drink from my dick

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  (757): Just be blunt and say drink from my dick http://tfl.nu/8snw
  Replies (1) Good night (1304) Bad night (547)
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.

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  (303): I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants. http://tfl.nu/0mqu
  Replies (10) Good night (601) Bad night (3521)
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  (404): View more from Georgia

  you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is

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  (404): you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is http://tfl.nu/bwe9
  Replies (19) Good night (9316) Bad night (969)
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  (661): View more from California

  I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.

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  (661): I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka. http://tfl.nu/da8y
  Replies (12) Good night (4293) Bad night (805)
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  (206): View more from Washington

  someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.

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  (206): someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'. http://tfl.nu/u94d
  Replies (9) Good night (6924) Bad night (806)
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  (805): View more from California

  He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.

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  (805): He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love. http://tfl.nu/k960
  Replies (23) Good night (1561) Bad night (2196)
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  (404): View more from Georgia

  I have surprise drugs for everyone

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  (404): I have surprise drugs for everyone http://tfl.nu/7gjj
  Replies (11) Good night (2748) Bad night (883)
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  (306): View more from Saskatchewan

  I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.

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  (306): I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards. http://tfl.nu/0ymc
  Replies (10) Good night (1967) Bad night (1166)
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  (513): View more from Ohio

  I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.

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  (513): I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago. http://tfl.nu/r6f0
  Replies (7) Good night (2229) Bad night (645)
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  (913): View more from Kansas

  You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.

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  (913): You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils. http://tfl.nu/xx9n
  Replies (10) Good night (1077) Bad night (462)
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  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"

  (406): View more from Montana

  Midwestern nice.

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  (608): He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!" (406): Midwestern nice. http://tfl.nu/grmw
  Replies (10) Good night (2941) Bad night (761)
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  (989): View more from Michigan

  It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.

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  (989): It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks. http://tfl.nu/f9iv
  Replies (12) Good night (945) Bad night (550)
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  (574): View more from Indiana

  I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.

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  (574): I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed. http://tfl.nu/w2ei
  Replies (7) Good night (1575) Bad night (333)
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  (207): View more from Maine

  I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.

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  (207): I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron. http://tfl.nu/90fl
  Replies (9) Good night (1288) Bad night (407)
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  (716): View more from New York

  I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts

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  (716): I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts http://tfl.nu/te6p
  Replies (4) Good night (232) Bad night (451)

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