just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Randomize
