They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
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I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
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Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.