Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.