Texts From Last Night

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  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.

  (1-717): View more from Pennsylvania

  That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.

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  (717):Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine. (1-717):That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with. http://tfl.nu/pv3h
  Replies (17) Good night (4151) Bad night (696)
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  (205): View more from Alabama

  you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!

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  (205): you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!! http://tfl.nu/1wys
  Replies (9) Good night (6381) Bad night (1212)
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  (205): View more from Alabama

  I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.

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  (205): I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila. http://tfl.nu/1ja2
  Replies (6) Good night (3259) Bad night (994)
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  (802): View more from Vermont

  his penis is PERFECT

  (802): View more from Vermont

  I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm

  (802): View more from Vermont

  or knit it little hat

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  (802): his penis is PERFECT (802): I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm (802): or knit it little hat http://tfl.nu/4cuj
  Replies (37) Good night (10087) Bad night (1559)
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  (902): View more from Pr Edwrd Is, Nva Sctia

  Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.

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  (902): Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines. http://tfl.nu/9k5b
  Replies (12) Good night (4820) Bad night (885)
• Favorite

  (815): View more from Illinois

  I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.

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  (815): I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis. http://tfl.nu/m4yy
  Replies (6) Good night (1115) Bad night (3061)
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  (330): View more from Ohio

  I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.

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  (330): I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it. http://tfl.nu/zgfe
  Replies (18) Good night (4263) Bad night (1301)
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  (870): View more from Arkansas

  I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster

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  (870): I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster http://tfl.nu/2cv6
  Replies (7) Good night (1069) Bad night (573)
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  (956): View more from Texas

  Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .

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  (956): Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . . http://tfl.nu/ha2v
  Replies (11) Good night (660) Bad night (1543)
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  (416): View more from Toronto

  Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.

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  (416): Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes. http://tfl.nu/v9h7
  Replies (1) Good night (907) Bad night (402)
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  (404): View more from Georgia

  Gross! What the hell is that?!?

  (623): View more from Arizona

  It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.

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  (404): Gross! What the hell is that?!? (623): It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon. http://tfl.nu/hr7g
  Replies (7) Good night (1034) Bad night (474)
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  (440): View more from Ohio

  My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?

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  (440): My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened? http://tfl.nu/7ofa
  Replies (2) Good night (495) Bad night (326)
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  (415): View more from California

  turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.

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  (415): turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world. http://tfl.nu/96m9
  Replies (3) Good night (641) Bad night (359)
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  (801): View more from Utah

  My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.

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  (801): My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use. http://tfl.nu/q2pv
  Replies (0) Good night (580) Bad night (345)
• Favorite

  (518): View more from New York

  You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.

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  (518): You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast. http://tfl.nu/pv3k
  Replies (0) Good night (368) Bad night (195)

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