maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Randomize
