I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.