how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
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If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
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I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?