no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
