toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
im drinking this country out of the recession.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
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