It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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