I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
