i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
