hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Randomize
