I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Randomize
