You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
