I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
