dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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