New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
