if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I understand Curling. That high.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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