I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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