Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
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