I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
