shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
