I wanna passion pit in your ass
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
