My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
