My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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