so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Randomize
