I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
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