I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
