And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
