I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
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