Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Randomize
